Don’t Put Last Year In The Past Just Yet
Twenty-Seventeen, what that year means to me is… on second thought maybe I'll check that another day or forget about it all together.
I look back and see failures and lack of effort. The people closest to me aren’t afraid to share their thoughts of what I should be so proud to have accomplished. What I fail to give myself credit for are my victories, my growth and the closer I am to becoming my best self. Too often we step into the New Year hoping for change and picking out what felt like crap or what goal we didn’t reach.
Jump three steps back into your 2017 -- Did you do things that made you feel accomplished or successful? Were there moments you felt like you tackled a challenge? Was there a time you called a best friend or loved one to tell them “you did it?”
This is not measured on a scale determined by society but rather it’s measured on the emotions you felt and the relation to your life. That’s right YOUR emotions and YOUR life!
I was so quick to put last year behind me and just move forward. That sounds somewhat positive but you see deep down it was to just forget the tears, forget the goals I never reached and to forget the times I didn’t want to fall asleep to have to start another day feeling like a failure. I would stay up until 2am February, March, and much of April, and then sleep in until 10am not wanting to do anything. I had lost my grandfather and my job within one day of each other. I wanted to hold onto that sadness but there was still a massive part inside me wanting to really help women with their health. Depression doesn’t mean you can’t hear the voices inside your head to get up and move but it does slow you down and for myself it makes every task feel challenging and not worth the effort.
I knew what depression felt like and was determined not to fall too deep into that hole so I built a support team. Life coaches, business mastermind partners, a therapist, and I kept those whom I trusted very close to me. I had to be honest with myself and take a step back when things got more difficult or deeply emotional. Yeah, I learned to give myself a break this year. I stepped back to slow down or take a social media breather (managed this two or three times).
You can scroll through photos on Instagram and say “I didn’t get a new car” or “my vacations weren’t that glamorous.” That doesn’t mean your accomplishments were any less important. Some people I followed added fuel to my depressive state so you bet your ass they were unfollowed. When I compared myself to theses successful coaches, I unfollowed them, too! I didn’t want my opinions of myself to be set by what I saw others doing around me.
Look back at who you stopped keeping in check with or better yet, look at your feed right NOW! You don’t need to follow everyone or like every post but you do need to consider unfollowing people that trigger those negative emotions of comparison or jealousy that leads to feeling like you’re not enough. You were proud of yourself throughout 2017. Don’t dismiss those moments! Make a list of those things as small as throwing away old magazines (I used to hoard them) to things as big as paying off your car loan.
I choose to avoid making this list every day in hopes I’ll forget about it and come up with a new way of looking at my proud moments and learning from my experiences. And experience I mean failures. [Failure still feels like a shitty, negative word to me.] Does avoiding it help me grow? Hell no! But why did I avoid it….
Feeling the emotions are not easy but by avoiding them you avoid the growth that comes with facing each tough challenge. Goal setting is not something I find very easy but I work on it every year by setting more specific goals closer to my vision. [Research does point to goal setting as helpful for people with depression.] If you want to see changes you have to push through those moments of fear and not only ask yourself why are you avoiding looking at the past accomplishments but ask what did I dismiss because I compared my accomplishment to someone else’s.
2018 can be filled with more moments of pure bliss and feel good vibes. You may need to slow down and take notice of these moments. You may also realize that your proud moments were to make loved ones proud of you. Don’t be afraid to jump back into 2017 memories to reflect on your actions and make a plan for 2018. And no it doesn’t matter that it’s not January 1st. It’s a NEW YEAR REGARDLESS and you have the choice everyday to start fresh with your intentions and actions. Rather every second you can make a better choice for yourself.
Add the act of discovering of a moment to be proud of to your daily routine. Smile with that, write out what you’re proud of and sit in how great it feels to be moving towards your best self.
As my coach always reminds me, SHOW UP FOR YOURSELF!